7 Step Divorce Recovery Process

Posted on: May 2nd, 2014

I help women recover from the impact, of their divorce to enable them to be financially strong, emotionally strong, and enjoy their freedom. I help them by showing them how to save on their legal bills, how to Co- parent amicably, by keeping their family intact so that their children are not emotionally damaged. While they move forward in a holistic way to create a life that they love and to find true love and happiness again.

All clients must take the Divorce Recovery Factor Assessment. This tool will help you identify how you will recover from the impact of your divorce to help you fid true love and happiness again.

 The 7 Steps toward the Divorce Recovery Process

Step 1:

Unpacking the Emotional baggage

Helping women learn how to navigate their divorce with out falling back into the drama.

Adapting to change can be very difficult especially when it is unexpected.  When a woman hears the words “I want a divorce” she immediately goes through the emotional stages of Shock, Anger, Resentment, Acceptance, and Hope.  Navigating through this process can be very difficult with out someone to help you.  Your emotions get the better of you

Your first reaction is Shock where you are to stunned to do anything and your only thought is “I can’t believe this is happening to me”

From shock you move to ANGER where you start to vent and lash out at your self for not seeing this coming or at your Ex for doing this to the family. Your anger can be external or internal. There is a lot of blame to go around.

From ANGER you move to the feeling of RESENTMENT where you go through lots of self-pity “why me” What did I do wrong?  You will have low self-esteem, and self worth. You feel sorry for your self. Your energy is low

From RESENTMENT you move forward to ACCEPTANCE

You can now start to regroup and focus positively on moving forward. You realize that this is the situation and there is nothing you can do about it. You are now ready to work hard to do what you have to, too get through a divorce with out drama, you want to be financially secure, you want co parent amicably to keep your children from hurting and any emotional pain.  You are now ready to move from ACCEPTANCE TO HOPE.

Hope is where the new beginning start you are ready to start to follow through on your plan and to adjust it and deal with any detours that come up in the road map you created for the future.  You are determined to take action.

 

Step 1

 

Shock

Your first reaction is Shock where you are to stunned to do anything and your only thought is “I can’t believe this is happening to me”

 ANGER where you start to vent and lash out at your self for not seeing this coming or at your Ex for doing this to the family. Your anger can be external or internal. There is a lot of blame to go around.

 RESENTMENT where you go through lots of self-pity “why me” What did I do wrong?  You will have low self-esteem, and self worth. You feel sorry for your self. Your energy is low.

 

v Coping with the emotional pain, shock, Anger, Resentment  

v The moment of truth has arrived your marriage is over.

v Understanding your fears and or regrets

v Facing your situation as it is. Head on

v Work through denial

v Connecting to the Who you are

v Who do you want to show up as

v What is your default tendency as revealed from the DR Factor

v How do you want the divorce to go

v Telling your children about the divorce

 

TOOLS / Coaching

v All clients to do the ELI assessment (Divorce Recovery Assessment)

v Debrief of Assessment

v Values Assessment

v Wheel of Life Assessment

v Start a journal to document your journey

v Embody The WHO – “I am statement”

v I am good enough

v I am dignity

v I am amazing, funny, talented etc.

v  I will survive.

v Develop ways to Regain your Strength and Power

 

 

Step 2

Create a Plan of Action

1)   Assembly your Support Team Surround your self with positive people who care about your best interest.

Family Member

Coach- Financial, Fitness etc.

Co-worker

Financial Advisor (to keep you financially solvent during the divorce)

Lawyer (choose the right Lawyer non- adversarial to reduce legal cost)

Mediator (to help with the communication and to keep legal cost down)

Realtor (to help with getting the house ready for sale)

Spiritual Mentor

Divorce Papers Preparation (Coach can help you with the preparation of the document this will help you keep your legal fees down)

Start Property Settlement paper work (Know what you own.)

Start to Review your asset/ debt ratio

Know what your negotiable and non-negotiable are (so you save money in legal fees when it come time to negotiate property)

Set your Divorce Budget. (Setting a budget is crucial so you do not over spend on legal fees)

TOOLS / Coaching

v Wheel of Life

v Start Meditation program

v Exercise program

v Encourage self care

v Visual Imagery

v Journaling

v Daily prayer

Step 3

 Check your self before you wreck yourself

v Working towards a peaceful resolution

v Realization that the relationship is over

v Live your life by design, not default

v Moving towards your expectations

v Allow your self to be flexible

v Develop Strategies for coping with the worst scenario

v Accept that life is a series of detours

v Develop the skills to handle the detours

v Developing Settlement plan for support

v Developing Child care Plan for support

v Creating a co- parenting plan

v Create a Communication plan to use with ex-spouse

v Identify your triggers when dealing with the Ex spouse

v Strategies to deal with triggers for example knowing when not to send that text

v Telling friends and family

TOOLS/ Coaching

v Pain/ Gain Model

v Reassess core beliefs

v Continue to journal

v Self care

 

Step 4

Acceptance

No turning back: moving forward with confidence and conviction

v Connect to the WHO you are becoming

v Define your Authentic self

v Continue to improve communication with the Ex- Spouse identify what works and what does not

v Continue to move forward with the divorce procedure in a positive way.

v Reassess how you want to continue to show up

TOOLS/ COACHING

Massage & relaxation Therapy

Meditation

Self Help Books

Spiritual healing & Breath works

Keep a daily Journal 

Step 5

Freedom to Forgive – Drama free and the confidence to be m

v Leap outside your comfort zone and achieve what you want

v Your authentic self – finding the “YOU” that’s been there long before all of life’s programming

v Building Blocks to Confidence

v #1 The Mind

v #2 The Emotion

v #3 The Body

TOOLS/COACHING

v Visualization of Authentic Self

v Visualize a Confident YOU

v Interview your self

v Ask Questions like

v What is it that you appreciate?

v Now is your time.

v What is next for you?

v What do you admire?

v What makes you happy?

v What things do you enjoy doing?

v Guided Imagery to get in touch with their authentic self

v Attend a Confident YOU Workshop

Step 6

Hope -Ready for a new relationship

Quote “The weak can never forgive. Forgiveness is the attribute of the Strong. Mahatma Gandhi

v Create your new life action plan

v Looking at what is keeping you stuck

v Identify and Remove your Barriers to success.

v What can you do to reveal where you are stuck and find out what to do to change.

v List your negotiable & non- negotiable moving forward

v What are you taking into your new life from your previous life

v Set your New core belief and values

v Moving forward to find a new relationship

TOOL/COACHING 

v  Create a Vision Board of how you would like your life to be

v Use Positive words of Affirmation

v Reassess Values

v Visual a marriage that you admired and one you did not. What did you admire and why?

v List of what you are looking for in a new relationship.

v Dating Data Profile what does it look like to you

Step7

 Financially Strong with my Family intact

v I figured my stuff out and I am O.K

v Follow up What have you learnt from this experience

v Ready Set Go for Your Newly Created Life.

v You are Financially Strong

v Your are Freedom

v You are Family

v You are forgiveness

v You are ready to begin a new relationship

TOOLS/ COACHING

v Join a Divorce Support Group

v Continue to journal your progress and document your successes.

v Join Social net working groups

v Let friends know that you are ready to date

v Make over

v Live, Love Laugh again.

v Continue to journal and document your progress.

Every family going through divorce deserves individualized planning to develop solutions tailored to their family’s unique needs and this is where a divorce coach becomes an invaluable asset.

In this role, I will perform the following duties as needed:

  • Assist you in determining what is most important to you in the divorce process;
  • Assist you in creating goals for what you want for you and your family;
  • Identify and prioritize your concerns;
  • Assist you in managing the emotions that are part of the divorce process and in reducing stress;
  • Assist you in strengthening your communication skills and communicating your needs;
  • Make effective use of conflict resolution skills;
  • Collaboratively work with you and the other members of the collaborative team to improve communication, reduce misunderstandings, resolve problems and facilitate the collaborative process;
  • Assist you in developing co-parenting skills and a parenting plan
  • Facilitate process and communication at meetings with the goal of making each meeting as effective, productive, and efficient as possible.
  • Remain neutral in my work with each of you to ensure that each person’s needs and interests are appropriately addressed

 A mediated divorce involves the use a neutral third-party mediator to help both parties resolve the issues associated with their divorce. The role of the mediator is not to make decisions regarding the divorce but to help the parties respectfully collaborate with each other to reach mutually agreeable solutions.   The mediated divorce process can also include the use of additional professionals (e.g. divorce coach, financial specialist, attorney, etc.) to help define options and provide information to support the decision-making process. Mediated divorce allows the parties to maintain control of the decisions involved with a divorce settlement as opposed to having those decisions dictated by the court.

Other benefits of a mediated divorce include the following:

  • Allows the parties to maintain control of the divorce settlement in terms of both the process and the outcome
  • Promotes a collaborative decision-making process, which can benefit post-divorce interactions
  • Maintains the privacy of the parties as everything but the final decree occurs outside of the courtroom
  • Reduces the cost of the divorce process compared to litigation

As a divorce coach, I provide my clients with the insight and expertise to promote a respectful, collaborative and productive mediated divorce process.  My goal is to work with clients to create divorce settlements that are mutually acceptable and support the long-term well-being of both parties and their children.   If this is what you are looking for contact me @ kcurtis@posiitivebc.com for a free 20 minute consultation

 



[1] All clients must take the Divorce Recovery Factor Assessment.

One response to “7 Step Divorce Recovery Process”

  1. […] featured guest is Kaysandra Curtis, a Divorce Coach, and she will share her 7 Step Divorce Recovery Process. Let’s face it, divorce is hard! It’s hard on the spouses getting the divorce. […]

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TESTIMONIALS

I was addicted to smoking for 40 years. Through Coaching with Kay I was able to quit smoking and have been a non smoker for the last 1 and 1/2 years. Some days can be challenging , thankfully I have developed the skills to help me maintain.

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kcurtis@positivebc.com